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Do you have something against straight people, Emma? Lesley
asked.
Of course not. Live and let live. Some of my best friends, and all that.
But don't they have enough bars and clubs without muddying the waters
in ours?
Maz turned to Claire.
"Did you guys meet on the scene?" she asked.
199
"No, we met in the kitchen of the house Emma was living in at the
time. That was back in December, though it may as well have been
another lifetime, with all that has happened since."
"Did you both know the other was gay when you met?" asked Lesley.
"Good lord, no," replied Claire, catching a wry look from Emma. "I
didn't have the first idea that I was gay and it certainly never entered my
mind to wonder about Emma's sexuality. In those days, I didn't.
Everyone had the same one I did. All singing from the same hymn
sheet."
"Well, paint me grey, fit knobbly tyres and call me a Landrover, Claire.
Are you always this self-aware?" asked Maz.
"Maz!" hissed Lesley.
"What? I was only asking."
"Well, you shouldn't."
"It's a fair point," said Claire, raising a hand to call a truce.
"Surely you noticed how gorgeous women are," pressed Maz.
"Without a doubt I noticed. But going out romantically, getting
married, having babies, these were all things one did with men. My sister
did these things. My friends from university did them and in my turn, I
would do them too."
Maz blew out her brains with two fingers. She keeled over slowly to
lie, dead on the ground, eyes crossed, her features horribly contorted.
"That's what I thought," Emma told the deceased.
The corpse rallied, jerking upright.
Lesley brought the conversation back from this digression, asking,
"How did you find out that Emma was gay, Claire?"
Claire moved her gaze from Maz, who had a habit of dominating
events without needing to say a word.
"She shared her dinner with me in the kitchen that night, and
entertained me while I waited for my boyfriend. I thought she was a nice
person and a good cook, but I didn't know that she was a lesbian until I
cooked her a meal the following week."
"Then you guessed," said Maz.
200
"No, she told me. It made me more interested in her as a person and
perhaps subconsciously challenged me to look at my own feelings and
attitudes towards women. Realizing that I loved her came much later."
"It was quite convenient then, meeting Emma," ventured Lesley.
Claire paused.
"When Emma came into my life, it raised a lot of issues for me. But I
was not looking to have any issues raised just then. At the end of last
year, my future seemed clear. Sooner or later I would marry my boyfriend
and have a child. These things are not going to happen now. Or at least,
not in the way I thought they would. I'm not as open as Emma. I've been
having problems integrating my new lifestyle into my work life. Telling
my parents is still a work in progress, though my sister seems to think it
should not be a problem because Emma can draw. The whole thing is
irrational. Sometimes I wish that it could all be taken out of my hands,
served up somehow as a fait accompli. I didn't go through the ten or
fifteen years of confusion and heartache that seems common for
emergent lesbians. But neither was it entirely straightforward or easy,
despite Emma's love and support.
"What about this boyfriend Claire, is he still around?" asked Lesley,
belatedly concerned over HIV/Aids.
Claire shook her head.
"He was gone some time before we became lovers. It's just as well,
really, I wouldn't have enjoyed explaining it to him. He was pretty macho.
He would never have understood a thing like this."
"Oh you don't want them understanding, Claire," Maz said sagely.
"When they say they understand, what they really mean is they want to
watch. Best to shoot them out of the way well beforehand."
"And what do you know about it, Maz?" teased Lesley. When did you
ever have a boyfriend?"
Maz was defiant.
"I might have. You don't know everything about me, Lesley Palmer. I
could have slept with the entire Southampton football team and the
reserves, and just not told you."
"Maz" said Lesley, taking her by the shoulders and looking into her
face. "Have you ever been with a guy? No flights of imagination now.
Just the truth. Have you?"
"No," said Maz sulkily.
201
"There," said Lesley, triumphantly.
Walking on her knees, Emma went over to Maz to give her a hug,
planting a kiss on her cheek. A cheer went up from a nearby group of
youths, accompanied by the suggestion,
"Go on, love, give 'er another un."
The women resolutely ignored them.
"I think that's really sweet, never having been with a bloke. There
aren't many of us around," said Emma.
"Sweet? Sweet? Do I look sweet to you, Emma?" demanded Maz.
"Well, yes you do," said Claire, resisting the urge to hug her too. "You
look completely adorable.''
"That's even worse than sweet." complained Maz.
"Oh shut up," said Lesley, throwing Maz's new tee shirt at her. It
missed.
"That was a rubbish throw, Lesley," said Maz. "Did you never play
rounders at school?"
Claire intervened.
"Children, children," she admonished them both. "Play nicely or you'll
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