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top ten list of "People We Would Rather Not Mess With." The Masters of
Malice an evil overlords professional society had given him their
Mephistopheles award, and there was talk of voting him into the Evil Hall of
Fame in Erburg.
Kevin concealed his dismay. "He can't be all that tough," he told Becky. He
spread out some of the papers from the dossier and stared at them
thoughtfully. "It says here it took him three tries to get from Evil Lord to
Evil Overlord."
"He's from Angostura, don't forget. Their certification test is a lot tougher
than ours."
The barmaid appeared."You two doing okay?"
"I'll have a glass of wine," said Becky.
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"Thegood wine," said Kevin. Cherry glared at him, but came back with a glass
of nonwatered wine.
"I'll need a room," Becky told her. "Could you arrange it with the
innkeeper?"
"I've got a room," said Kevin.
"Then I'll need another room."
"I was thinking we could share a room," said Kevin, trying to keep the
hopefulness out of his voice. "Because, you see, you're disguised as a boy,
and it would be more convincing if..."
"Two rooms," Becky said firmly. "Twoseparate rooms."
"Nice try, stud muffin," Cherry told Kevin. She went off to find Muldoon, who
booked Becky into a room next to Kevin's, and did it without comment. Kevin
folded the papers back into the file and carried Becky's bags in from the
stables. He set them down on the bed. Becky reached for one and unbuckled the
straps.
"Don't leave yet," she said. "I have to show you something. Turn around."
Kevin dutifully turned his back. There was a rustle of clothing behind him.
When he faced her again, she was wearing one of the more spectacular pieces of
lingerie he had ever seen and the Princess Rebecca was a girl whose closet was
by no means bereft of sexy underwear.Even the Prince, who was rarely at a loss
for words, needed a few moments to collect his thoughts. Finally, he said,
"Becky, whatis that?"
"Do you like it? It's a chain-mail bra."
"It's certainly something else."
"Taylorrecommended it."
"He did?"
"Uh-huh." She reached back into the bag and pulled out her own copy ofThe
Handbook of Practical Heroics, where she had a page turned down. She read
aloud, "Insist that your comic sidekick wear body armor before going into a
dangerous situation. And while you're at it, it isn't a bad idea to get some
for yourself." So I stopped at this cute little boutique before I left the
city and bought this. I was going to get something for you, but I didn't know
your size."
The Prince was squinting in the candlelight, trying to decide if he could
really see her nipples through the links or if it was just his imagination.
"It looks good, Becky, but I don't think that it was really designed to be
functional body armor."
"No?"
"It looks more like a costume for a barbarian swordswoman."
"Oh." Becky thought about this. "I guess that explains the fur bikini."
"They sold fur bikinis?"
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"I'm going to keep this anyway. I think it will be functional. It seems
pretty well made."
"You won't need it because you're not getting into a dangerous situation.
You're father would kill me if he found out I took you into the Fortress of
Doom with me." Kevin paused,then said, "Did you buy a fur bikini?"
"The comic sidekick watches the hero's back when he goes into the Invincible
Fortress.Taylor said that, too."
"You're not my comic sidekick. Are you wearing the fur bikini now?"
"Kevin! Of course I didn't buy the fur bikini. It was a thong. There was
nothing but a little strappy thing up the back."
"Is that a problem?"
"Certainly it is! Thong underwear is lewd, perverted, disgusting, lascivious,
and immoral."
"Oh. Well, I just wondered..."
"And I don't think I look good in it. How are we getting into the Fortress of
Doom?"
"Don't you listen?We are not going. And you said yourself that the comic
sidekick just hangs around the tavern and picks up information from the
locals."
"Did I say that?When?"
"Back at the castle."
"Are you sure?"
"Yes," said Kevin definitely.
"And you're going to hold me to that?
"Absolutely."
"Then," said Becky, "you'reconceding that I am the comic sidekick in this
mission. Now then, a man goes into a doctor's office and says, 'Doctor, I've
got this terrible pain. And the doctor says...' "
"All right."Kevin knew when he had been outmaneuvered. He thought fast.
"Okay, Becky, you can be the comic sidekick. But you're going to have to wear
real body armor. A breastplate and metal shoulder guards at the very minimum.
I'll wear some, too, if it makes you feel better."
"Where are we going to get plate armor?"
"There's a whole Fortress full of armed and armored soldiers. They must get
it from somewhere. I'm sure there will be an armory in this village, if only
to serve the Fortress. It probably has some sort of depressing name. I'll take
you there tomorrow."
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